Illusions
by TwilightDreamz13
Summary: What if everything you knew was an illusion? What if the only constant thing was the person you hated? What if you forgot yourself? One-shots. Angsty, and all other genres. Plz. Review. My first time at this.
1. Prologue

This world knows about love, sadness, desperation, and anger, jealousy, envy. What are they more than a mere illusion of the mind to become truly happy with themselves. A person is so driven by the need of approval and the need to be accepted, that their shortcomings, rather than circumstances, change them. A need to be perfect is the ultimate downfall. No one knows their true self. Not even the wisest of people. 

An illusion is casted when you lie. An illusion is casted when you are happy. We are merely specks in a world of oblivion. Our need to define ourselves, sets us apart from others. But what is the ability to define yourself? A shroud of illusions to make yourself seem much better than the next person. The lies, mistakes, selfishness are holes in our perfect illusion. So we cast them aside into the depths of our heart. They adore a world where everything is right, and unscathed by evil. But isn't good the better of two evils. Evil is the result of circumstances and the good are the result of the ability to cast away anything that threatens the perfect illusion of life.

"A Romance that sweeps you off your feet." Its nothing than a feeling of accomplishment and desire stating that you have successfully created a perfect illusion. How many fairy tales have I read where to get to the perfect ending, people die, or get hurt? Cinderella, living isolated all the time, having her flaws pointed out every single moment of the day, wants a happy ending so she can build her illusion like everyone else. The happy ending is nothing but a shroud that covers her insecurities, and her need to become equal to others.

Nothing in this life is permanent. Long, and lingering, but not permanent. Everything dies at one point. Even your feelings. You hate a person one minute and the next you admire them. You love a person, they add to the perfect illusion, but when the feeling of perfectness fades, you replace them with another that can substitute that same feeling in a more pronounced way.

Sometimes people who appear to be heartless and pitiless are the most compassionate people. The words that other people find hurtful hold the truth and humans' need to be perfect makes you feel like they are wrong and that "how dare they suggest that we are like that". We shrug off the hurtful things and automatically set up defensive walls around ourselves so the illusion of perfection would stay put. Morals, ideals don't exist. They are merely ways of how people justify their actions so people could accept them better and the cloak of obvious flaws would remain covered. How many times have we ignored or resented something that destroyed the peace of our hypocrite lives? That is what people identify as evil and bad. But, would the good also be bad/evil if they also disturb your life? The good is a disturbance that ends with more illusions and evil is a disturbance that remains unnamed and steadily grows until it destroys what illusion you have in your existence. Evil is when your flaws take over and you struggle to remain your past self. Evil is when your illusions are stripped away and you are left facing the awful truths of your existence. You face the ferocious beast that lays dormant in your heart and you resent it.

Our lives are based on our hesitance to face our hideous, flawed insecurities. Why does it hurt when people point your fears and your mistakes out? We want to keep our illusions to ourselves as a "safety blanket" and the need to stay with it grows until you are unable to exist with out it. It becomes part of your identity and losing the only constant in your life would mean giving up and losing everything illusion that you had in your life. that would result in facing your insecurities. Humans strive on order and something that destroys that order is resented and casted off to the dark corners of society, even if it is people.

And in war of the hardest wills and ideas, love had no place anywhere. Life is all about destroying and recreating mirages so that you wouldn't have to face the demons that reside in the depths of your soul. That is truly frightening, to release those spirits and become the one thing you were taught not to become.

People laugh when others attempt to take off their illusions. Their labeled as insane and not stable. But isn't insanity all about rebuilding yourself even if you lose yourself? Insanity is when you lose yourself into your true face and self. There's no stopping it. Even the best of men go insane when the pressure become too much. Isn't it better to not have a grasp on the cruel reality of our fake world than to live in constant lies and backstabbers? At least, people would leave you alone even if it's out of fear and resentment.

No matter how long you've know a person, you never truly trust them or know them. A friend for 12 years can change within moments and the memories of it stab you like a dull needle. The pain is there but barely noticeable to people around you.

Do people know when I flinch? Or when I want to just disappear? Or when I want nothing to do with them? It's better to be alone than be in the company of people that don't understand you or what you want. Even your parents fail to understand you. That leaves a hole in the heart that is never healed or never filled.

People say time heals all wounds, but what if the wounds got bigger? Then what? What if time becomes an inescapable cage in which we are trapped and are nothing but puppets in our own game? No matter how many times we think we have escaped the cage, it comes back and beckons us towards it once more. That is the game of our cruel life.

Some people are fortunate to choose where they want to go in life. Some people are not that fortunate. Their lives are pre-determined from birth. They have no rights to love and be free of the world. That just gives people an excuse to control others and increase their lust for power. Would a person willingly change themselves to fit society? Would they lose themselves in the crowds that we now call society?

My salty tears run down my cheeks, as I remember how helpless I am in my life. I notice things that I've never noticed before, like how people react and how tolerant people are actually. The cruelness, even if we think is gone, still lives within our selves. How many times have your parents put you down and insulted you? What if it gets to that point that you can't stand it if they touch you or even speak to you. Painting a fake smile is easier than making a real one because a fake one requires no feelings. Just muscles and movement. To really laugh is to free yourself of the restraint that hold you back, to really cry is to release the hold people have on you, to really be mad you need a passion that runs through your veins. But, that sounds so tiresome. Those moments weaken and fade until they are nothing to you. It goes to the point that you can't stand them. Painting fake feelings on your heart is so much easier than forcing it to feel something that you know is foreign to you.

The beating of the heart never slows. But it still hurts when you think of the agonizing moments in your life. Why? Why does our heart react like that? Wouldn't it just be better if nothing existed? If our world was oblivion? The ties that bind you to this material world will have no affect whether you live or not. They are merely names in which you place your deepest secrets. The safest place to be is in your own mind, but when that also deceives you, you are not safe. The world become unbearable and distant. Every moment suffocates and constricts you. It's not easy being what other people think you are.

Sometimes you have to just let go. Live like you want to live. Have no thoughts about society and what it would say. Would they care if you did something? Only for the amusement and entertainment, do people prey on others. They need to fulfill the part of them that thrives on others pain. Would it matter what you did twenty years from now? Would it still be around? Would people still talk about it? No. The things people do are only there for a moment, and fade into history like the rest.

It's not until we bleed tears, do we realize that life is unfair. Its not until we break down and shatter, do we realize that life doesn't wait for anyone. We don't realize it until too late that we are all alone in this hard, cold world.

It's not until later... 


	2. Her Secret

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. I wish I did, though. But, alas, J.K. Rowling owns everything related to Harry Potter.

_Draco Malfoy_

_December 16, 1988- July 11, 2006_

They thought he was the same as the rest of them. A Death Eater. He wasn't.

They thought he killed innocent people for fun, and supported the murderer Voldemort.

After all, he was his father's son. He didn't.

They thought he was a traitor and a disgrace to the wizarding world. He wasn't.

Only she knew what he was, who he was, who he was loyal to. He was himself, and loyal to himself.

They thought he died of a stray curse. He didn't.

They thought she killed him before he escaped. He didn't.

_Flashback. _

There was killing everywhere. She could see where Ron was fighting Bellatrix with Neville. The blood had overwhelmed her, but it refused to clear. She knew they were losing; she knew they were winning.

Her small legs kept running, no matter where the path took her. Her lungs were on fire, and her eyes trained to find the most exact details, blurry. Her hair flying in the wind, her heart beating so fast, that she thought it would stop within a moment.

As she looked back, she could see Lucius Malfoy running behind her. His wild eyes straining to catch up with her.

"Stupefy!" She ducked as the spell hit a spot an inch away from her shoulder. She ran and ran until her legs failed.

Her mind went blank as she felt the collision of something hard, most possibly a rock, hitting her head.

_Flashback. _

She knew that he wasn't like the rest of them. He knew, too.

She knew that he hated killing people, he had nightmares for weeks.

She knew he hated the snake as much as she did. He took away his mother.

He was his mother's son. He knew that, too.

He was as loyal as her, but still a disgrace to his family. He didn't care.

He knew who she was, what she was, and who she loved. So did she.

She knew that he didn't die of a stray curse. He knew that as well.

She knew that she killed him, not because he was bad, because he wanted her to.

He knew that, too.

_Flashback. _

As the blackness faded, she found herself lying on the ground. As she opened her blinded eyes, the world came rushing back to her. Her mind refocused; she couldn't allow herself a second of weakness.

Her legs seemed to be fine but sore. As she got up, her eyes fell upon the body of Lucius, the devil incarnate. He was sitting upright, along a tree trunk. Eyes open and face terrified. As she stepped closer, she felt scared. Was he dead, or was he watching her? She tentatively touched his shoulder, and with a gasp, stepped away from the bleeding body.

Lucius Malfoy was dead to the world, and his dead body was now at her feet, bleeding in the heart.

She didn't hear the branch snapping behind her. Neither did she see the person behind her, ready to make his move.

_Flashback. _

Now, as she gazed upon the land, she couldn't help but have memories take over her.

He was wrong to the world, including her, but now she knew that he was never what she thought he was.

All because of him, she couldn't remove his haunting eyes from her mind.

Every moment of the day, he plagued her thoughts like a disease. Her friends didn't know, neither did she. What was wrong with her?

She hated him, and he knew that as well.

But that didn't change anything.

_Flashback. _

"What are you looking at, Granger?" she heard to her left. She turned around so fast, her world was spinning. Next to her was standing, the son of the man in front of her. Draco Malfoy. Looking like he did in Hogwarts. Nothing had changed. When he moved his gaze from the dead body of his father to her, she notice something. His eyes.

They weren't cold or harsh. They were tired and looked worn out. She wondered what her face looked like.

They looked haunted and plagued. he looked like he hadn't gotten any sleep over the years.

"Mourning for my bastard father, are you, Granger?" Malfoy asked, in what was supposed to be in a sarcastic voice, but somehow it was missing. What came out was a whisper and a cold laugh.

"You wish, Malfoy! I wouldn't cry for that man, even if I died. What are you doing here?" she asked in her curioius voice, but it was slightly defensive. She thought he knew that as well.

"I'm not doing anything, just watching and seeing." his voice held no emotion, but his face was tense, "The Order won, Granger. Congratulations." she sensed sadness in his voice, but waved it off as an illusion.

"We won? We really won!! I knew Harry could do it!! Now the world is peaceful, and back to normal! Finally --" she was cut off by his harsh voice.

"Why would you be happy when you have no one to celebrate it, Granger. How did you win when you lost so much?" She stopped her movements and looked at him. He was gazing the night sky. She gazed up and noticed that the crescent moon was right above them. Haunting, but beautiful

"Kill me, Granger. "

"What, what are you saying, Malfoy? You're coming with me to the Order so that you can get your trial.." Her shock was apparent in her voice. But he seemed unfazed.

"You don't know anything, Granger. My father killed my mother just because she talked to me about loyalty. I was forced to watch her die. You didn't have the experience..."

Don't' tell me about experience! I've seen people die and lose their lives today and you're telling me that you are the only one that lost someone?" Her angry response, came out like spitfire. He just gazed up, uninterested. She felt like her words didn't mean anything to him.

He walked up and knelt down his father's body. His eyes were blank and he seemed unaffected by the sight.

"I hope you go to hell, Lucius. You deserved everything you got. You told me that I was dirt and a disgrace to the family name. Well, I guess this piece of dirt just killed you and took your life. You are the lowest of the low. I hope you know that and burn in the deep depths of hell." His quiet voice came out like a whisper, but she could feel the anger radiating out of him.

"What are you talking about, Malfoy? Lucius died because someone hit him in the heart, not because --" realization dawned upon her. Her eyes got big and she took a step towards him.

"Malfoy.." her voice seemed strange even to her, " You saved me, why?"

"You were losing a chance, Granger. If you died, everyone would think that I did it. I want you to do something for me now. You have a Wizard's debt, and I want you to repay me for saving your life." His voice seemed tired and still, strong like nothing had happened between them.

"What is it? What do I have to do?"

"Kill me. Just once."

Silence reigned over them. They could hear the voices of people shouting their happiness throughout the woods. No one noticed what was happening.

"No. I won't be a killer, Malfoy."

"You already are, Granger. Don't tell me you haven't killed anyone today? After what happened, you didn't kill anyone? Not even Dolonov?" His voice was incredulous, as if he was surprised that I kept to my morals even in this battle, "That's even better. You can practice on me. Just kill me, now and you can go away forever."

"No, Malfoy. Forget it, I'm leaving right now." Before she could move a muscle, his cold, pale fingers clasped around her arms and she looked at him, with fear in her eyes.

"Kill me, Granger. Now. If you don't, the Wizard's debt will continue to haunt you until you kill me. Use your wand and kill me, Granger, now." His firm voice held power and she almost relented but no.

"Tell why you want to die, Malfoy? Why do you want to lose your life? You have a chance to become a free chance, why aren't you using it?" she pleaded him. She didn't want to kill him, even though she knew that he was enemy.

"My mother died, Granger. It haunted me for months. Today, when I killed Lucius, I felt free. But do you think the world would consider that?" He asked her.

"The world doesn't give second chances to people like me. You either die, or you live. I would prefer to die rather than face a broken world where no one is themselves. People adore a world where everything is right and all good. But people like me, mess that up. We take away their illusions, Granger. That's why you hate me, remember? I made your balanced life chaotic until it suited me." That was his blank response.

"Kill me, Granger, or I'll do it myself." he didn't wait for my answer, for the next thing I knew, he had my wand in his fingers, and pointed it to himself.

"Malfoy, please...Give me my wand and we'l--"

" I never killed anyone, not even Dumbledore. I couldn't. I was too weak. Even in front of my father, I was weak. You know, Granger, life is a fickle thing. It surprises you in the end and you don't even know what happened until you already lose it." He chuckled, but his laugh sounded hollow. Her wand was still at his chest, just above his heart.

His heart. She didn't think that he had one. But, if he didn't have one, would he be right in front of her?

"Malfoy..."

"Yeah, I know, pathetic. The Great Draco Malfoy can't kill a person. Surprising, isn't it? In war, Granger, you become what you've been taught never to become. I was taught to be a killing machine, but I wasn't. You know, Granger, you're the only person I've ever told this to, not even my mother or friends. " He laughed outright, and she felt drawn to his voice.

His eyes were vulnerable, and more open than she'd ever seen. But, she realized, she didn't' know him that well and never saw his change from cold to anything else, either.

Her world changed when he said his parting words. She was too much in shock to stop him from uttering the Killing Curse.

"I hope I'll never meet you again, Granger, where I'm going. This is...Good-Bye. Avada Kedavra."

_Flashback._

His last words haunted her in her dreams. Only she knew his secrets. She carried his memory in her heart. Never to be uttered to someone else as long as she lived.

The world can be dangerous, she thought, it causes so many innocent people to die and lose the chance to live freely.

Her tears were now falling as she remember when her friends found her a few hours later, in the same spot, staring at Malfoy's blank grey eyes.

_FlashBack._

She didn't register the fact that he died right away. She watched as he slumped onto his knees and watched him stare into her eyes, slowly losing the life that she knew that he didn't want. She just stared back, afraid to move and speak.

when his head touched the ground, she broke down, and cried. Clutching his shirt, she didn't notice her friends voices coming closer. She could only imagine what she looked like. After what seemed like a lifetime. She felt the world close once again and she was gone.

His eyes permanently sketched into her mind.

_Flashback. _

Everyone thought that she killed him. In a matter, she did. But, she never told them the truth.

She locked herself in a room, and stayed there for weeks, only coming out for eating. But it seemed like her mind was on auto-pilot.

She was still replaying every single memory that she had of Malfoy and that night.

Now, at his funeral procession, which was only her and the priest, she couldn't help but feel guiltier. She couldn't stop him. He could've had a chance. If only, she had saved him. he was right, you never know what you missed, until it's gone.

They thought he died because of her. He did, because of her.

He knew that wasn't true.

They thought that she killed Lucius Malfoy. She didn't. He did. But no one would believe her.

She told them what lies they wanted to hear, only to keep the secrets safe in her heart.

She told them she killed him. She didn't dare tell anyone.

No one needs to know.

No one was ready to know. Except her, and the person that left. It was her secret and she would keep it safe, even if it destroyed her.

It's only her secret.


End file.
